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Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

1) So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
2) So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

15     dog jokes


Proposal

One day, a 5 year old boy went to visit his granny. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.

Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.

The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"

9     Short jokes


Proposal

A tramp walks in a bar. ‘Get out’ says the barman. ‘If I can show you a cool trick can I stay and have a pint’ ‘Okay’ says the barman.
The Tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and a small piano. He puts them on the bar and the hamster starts playing the piano.
‘Wow! that’s amazing here’s a pint anymore tricks’ says the barman.
The Tramp pulls a frog out of his pocket puts it on the bar and it starts to sing.
A man seeing this offers the tramp £300 for the frog. ‘Ok’ says the tramp. He takes the frog and goes. ‘What u do that for a singing frog is worth far more than that. ‘Not really’ says the tramp
‘Why not?’ says the barman
The tramp replies ‘The hamster is a ventriloquist’     ~ The Tramp

4     Short jokes


A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

21     golf jokes


Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?

They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

15     viola jokes






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