Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali and asked that he fasten his seat belt.11 Superman Jokes
"Superman don't need no seat belt," Ali growled.
"Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need no airplane!"
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.19 General JokesProposal
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
A man is backpacking through Ireland, when he sees a bar, and goes in for a drink. He sees an old man, who breaks the silence.3 Short jokes
"You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands, found the finest wood, and planed it just so. But do they call me McGreggor the bar builder? NO!"
"You see that house out the window? I built that with my bare hands, blood, sweat and tears, too. Do they call me McGreggor the house builder? NO!"
"You see that pier on the lake? I built that with my own bare hands, drove the pickings against the tide and the sand, plank by plank, but do they call me McGreggor the pier builder? NO!"
The old man looks around to make sure no one is listening, and then leans in to the younger man.
"But you fuck one goat!!!!" ~ McGreggor the.....
Speaking of airports in Germany, the one servicing the Hamburg area is known to be staffed by a rather snooty ground control crew. They expect you to know exactly where to go and what to do, which may lead to frustration on the part of aircraft captains new to the route. This is the account of one such flight in particular, concerning a senior captain ...17 Airport Jokes
"Tower, British Airways one-seven, completed rollout, awaiting further instructions."
"British Airways one-seven, this is Hamburg ground, clear to taxi to Gate Seven."
"Roger, Hamburg ground, request directions to Gate Seven."
"British Airways one-seven, have you never been to Hamburg before?"
"Yes, a number of times, Hamburg ground, in 1944, but we did not stop!"
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.10 Blonde JokesNext page Jokes
First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?" She answers promptly, "I would go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
Next, the panel asks the redhead the same question. Without any hesitation, she replies, "I'd like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."
Finally, the NASA scientists ask the blonde the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. After pondering for several minutes, she finally answers, "I would go to the sun."
Several scientists suppress a laugh, but the lead interviewer, trying to take the blonde seriously, explains, "Well, if you went to the sun, you'd burn to death almost instantaneously."
The blond smirks and puts her hands on her hips. "Don't be stupid! I'd go at night!"