45 jokes about phones
10 dog jokes
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman
because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer
; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot
, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird
Well, sure enough the dog
, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
3 agent jokes
A crowded flight is cancelled, and a frazzled agent
must rebook a long line
of inconvenienced travelers
by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger
pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.
Agent: "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."
Passenger: "Do you have any idea who I am?"
The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."
She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
2 tampon jokes
A lady goes into a grocery store to buy some tampon
. As fate would have it she picked up a box without a price
on it. When the cashier
went to ring it up he noticed there was not a price.
As grocery cashiers are so inclined to do, he grabbed the P. A. microphone and said, "Need a price on TAMPAX!"
A stock boy who heard the garbled message thought the cashier said, "Some tacks
" and promptly yelled back, "The kind you pound in with a hammer or the kind you push in with your finger?"
0 pupil jokes
Pupil (on phone): "My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school
School Secretary: "Who is this?"
Pupil: "This is my father
0 answering machines jokes Jokesphone sayings
Phone answering machine message: "If you want to purchase some weed, press the hash