walks into this bar
, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender
, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday
today. How 'bout a free drink
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet
's right down the hall."
asks grandpa: "Do you still have sex
Grandpa says: "Yes, but only oral
Johnny asks: "What is oral?"
Grandpa says: "I say fuck
you, she says fuck you, too."
people get married. During the first week of marriage
, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex
with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."