Penis jokes

They've got a new birth control pill for men now. I think that's fair. It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

Any woman that thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that. The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents."

So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is. The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girls garage."

The girl goes home and says: "what's that?" The mother says: "That's your garage. dont let any boy park his car in it."

The next day they are again in the tub. The boy says its a car and remembers what his dad said. So he begins to put it in the girls "garage". But then the girl remembers what her mom said.

5 minutes later, the girl comes to the mom with blood all over her. The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I popped his two back tires."

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some condoms. The cashier asks, "What size?"

The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."

"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"

"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.

The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and measure his penis by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When they return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"

The man replies, "To hell with the condoms, give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!"

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."

When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.

"Hello," the mechanic answers.

"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.

The mechanic was puzzled, but says, "Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."

"Oh, is that a record?" she says.

"No," he says, "but it's better than average."