61 jokes about penises
34 bullet jokes
A woman with triplets pregnancy is taken as hostage during a stickup at the bank. The robber shoots her three times in the stomach before he is arrested by armed police. Amazingly, the woman finds out all her babies have survived. She gives birth to 2 girls and a boy.
15 years later, she comes home from work to find her first daughter crying. When she asks her what's wrong, her daughter tells her she went for a wee and a bullet
came out. She reassures her this is normal, and tells her the bizarre story.
The next day, she finds her second daughter crying, who also says she went for a wee and a bullet came out. Once again she tells the story.
The day after that, she finds her son crying, and asks him if he went for a wee and had a bullet come out. He looks at her confused and replies ''No - I was having a wank and I shot the dog!''
46 brace jokes
Mom took Little Johnny
to the doctor
for lacerations on his penis.
Doctor: "How did such a thing happen?"
Johnny: "It's that damn neighbor girl
, Susie. Her braces
are too darned sharp."
31 kid jokes
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee
. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised." the other replied.
"What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?" the kid
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
53 sex jokes
people get married. During the first week of marriage
, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex
with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
43 sex jokesNext page Jokespenis sayings
Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub
when Mary says: "I need a piss" an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.
Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says "have you changed sex
Mary says "no, I have changed my mind, I am having a shit