211 jokes about pens
55 → Joke
was walking down the street when he saw a woman
with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts
he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite
them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
47 → Joke
had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"
52 → Joke
as I was buttoning my shirt, a button
fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand
. Now I'm afraid to pee
27 → Joke
and his wife
were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since he bought it when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.39 → Joke
So, he inserted his manhood into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
There after he quickly realized that he couldn't seperate himself from the instrument. He read the manual but didn't find a way out. He tried every button on the instrument, but still nothing seem to work
Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry", replied the customer service "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons!"