211 jokes about pens
A couple on honeymoon in hotel room undressing. The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"62
Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."
The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"
Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You mean Measles?"
Groom: "No Kneasles, a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The Bride then removes his boxers and the bride asks: "Why are you spotted?"
Groom: "As a child I had smallpox."
Bride: "I hope you don't mean SmallCox!"
Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub
when Mary says: "I need a piss" an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.
Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says "have you changed sex
Mary says "no, I have changed my mind, I am having a shit
as I was buttoning my shirt, a button
fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand
. Now I'm afraid to pee
was walking down the street when he saw a woman
with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts
he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite
them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling
or playing basketball at the gym. His wife
thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."