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Pen jokes

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What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

67    

woman,roses

Proposal

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says: "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says: "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says: "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

8    


A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said: "Let's talk, I am sure that flights are faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger.

"How about nuclear power?" The girl asked.

"Ok," he said "That could be an interesting topic!"

The girl continues: "But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"The stranger thinks about it and says:"Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies:"Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

61    


teacher
The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word "penis" chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn't say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class.

But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - "penis", this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.

Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word "penis" again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.

Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger.

Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: "See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

65    


horse:2
A guy walks into a bar.

Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."

Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500."

So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.

Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"

Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry."

The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.

Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?"

Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?"

Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him."

Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?"

Guy: "I showed him."

58    


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