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Pee jokes

36 jokes about pee



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A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

10     → Joke


Why was the leper caught speeding?

He couldn't take his foot off the accelerator.

20     → Joke


Proposal

Last night the local peeping Tom knocked on my mother-in-law's door, and asked her to shut her blinds.

2     → Joke


How do you trap a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole.

3     → Joke


A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."

7     → Joke


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