A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini
on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.
The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife
. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home!"
Bill Gates met God
, and God said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven
or to Hell
. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill Gates said, "What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "It might help you decide if you took a peek at both places. Shall we look at Hell first?"
Bill was amazed. He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. "This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven."
God said, "Let's go!" and off they went to Heaven.
Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would prefer to go to Hell."
"As you wish," said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being tortured by demons with pitchforks. "How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.
Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
"Oh, that," said God. "That was the screen saver."
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
"You know," says the cop
, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?"
"Last week my wife
ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
European girl about the cultural differences of continent neighbours ... Americans take the front place and shout their "nice" speech, Africans do the straight work, Turkish are a pain in the ass and Russians are just waching.