25 jokes about patients
40 → Joke
doctor; I only got sixty seconds to live ..."
"Can you wait there for a minute
26 → Joke
had just finished a marathon sex
session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.
However, a little voice in his head said Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients, ... so it's not like you're the first ...
This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, but then again ... they probably weren't veterinarians
13 → Joke
A guy walks into the doctor
's office. There is a banana
stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber
in the other ear, and a carrot
stuck in one nostril.
says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat
14 → Joke
are in the duck
blind and a bird
flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck ... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist
looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm ... green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound ... might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon
raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."
12 → Joke
The psychology teacher
had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students
. Speaking specifically about manic depression
, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach