Pants jokes

26 jokes about pants



Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified."

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A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29."

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

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Bill Gates threw dollars before Jesus, screaming to God, get out of my chair! Loud thunder sound emerged and Satan approached Bill Gates. Come Bill, you don't want to do with these f*ckers. So Bill Gates asked himself, well lets show me hell mr Satan. Occuring later Satan showed Bill Gates a few places. You need a living quarters for sure mr Gates. Come I show you. Satan showed the first room. A man was hanging on a cross and was constantly being whipped and was in deep agony. Bill said, I have a bad feeling about this. You can't go back to heaven explained the Devil, you bibed Jesus and wanted to take God's place, they are angry. Show me something better. The second room in hell had Windows computers and Bill Gates was impressed, 'This is like it Satan!' Bill was cheering up. Bill went in and the Windows computers showed an eternal blue screen and Bill discovered there were no Control Alt Delete. Satan replied, let me show you the best room. Every time an innocent by accident enters hell and picks this room an innocent is allowed to go back to heaven. Gates couldn't believe his eyes, a beautiful woman with a beautiful a*s as being taken by a big shaped man. The big shaped man his cock did seem to never stop and the man was smiling towards Bill and told while continuing f*cking it's the best room in Hell the Devil has. Bill Gates told, I want this room Satan, f*cking seems fine with me! Are you really sure Bill? Since all they see is a*s and legs spoke Satan to Bill. Yeah replied Bill. Bill entered the room, suddenly the beautiful woman disappeared. The man was smiling to Satan. The door locked, and Bill thought WTF? 'She was innocent explained the man, my cock is still hungry!' 'Put your pants down and assume the position and spread your legs Bill!'

And so it came Bill Gates is eternally being f*cked since both the big shapedman and Bill weren't innocent. Also Eternal Blue is another word for Bill's poor a*ss, Eternally Blue from the big cock going in and out.     ~ Devil O Naugthy

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A high-school sports fan takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They have a great time, and their team wins. After the game, he askes his girlfriend how she enjoyed the experience. She says, "I loved it. The hot guys, the tight pants, but it made no sense to me." Confused, her boyfriend askes, "What confused you? It's pretty simple." She replies, "At the beginning of the game, they flip a quarter to see who gets the ball first. Then, the whole game they're shouting 'Get the quarterback, get the quarterback!' I mean, hellllooooo, it's just 25 cents!"

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Chuck Norris and Superman had a contest once to see who was the most powerful of them.

The loser had to wear his slip over his pants ...

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