69 jokes about pans
23 → Joke
A new manager
spends a week at his new office
with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes
in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis
you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama
, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
15 → Joke
joined a big Multi National Company
as a trainee
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone
: "Get me a cup of coffee
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who you are talking to, you idiot?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and kept the phone down
24 → Joke
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy
Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate
ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood
. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."
23 → Joke
A man went into a pharmacy
and asked to talk to a male pharmacist
. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection
. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
17 → Joke
walks into a burger
joint, orders a burger, pulls out a gun
shoots the waiter
The waiter looks up and says what the hell is wrong with you.
And the panda says: "I read that pandas eat shoots and leaves."