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Outside jokes

Outside - 19 jokes



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My husband said he wanted more space.

So I locked him outside.

50     → Joke


There was a boy who had to use an outhouse and he hated it sooo bad. One day it started to rain really hard and it got the bank all slippery and wet so he decided to push it off. He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.

He said: "Yes."

His father told his son to come with him to get his whipping.

The boy said: "George Washington didn't get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest."

The boys father said: "but George Washingtons father wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down."

10     → Joke


There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, Dick, and Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pea jumps around outside.

The teacher returns and yells: "Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!"

71     → Joke


A guy walks into a bar.

Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."

Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500."

So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.

Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"

Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry."

The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.

Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?"

Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?"

Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him."

Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?"

Guy: "I showed him."

58     → Joke


Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.

“No!” Jimmy replied.

“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.

“No!”.

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“No!” said Jimmy.

“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”

“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.

53     → Joke



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