137 jokes about old men
25 sex jokes
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband
always insisted on shutting off the light
Well, after 20 years the wife
felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo
! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I’ll explain the toy ... you explain the kids."
16 parrot jokes
goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot
. The shop owner
points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars
". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss
23 shopping jokes
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband
refused to come shopping
with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
18 woman jokes
What do you tell a woman
with two black eyes
Nothing, you already told her twice!
38 sex jokesNext page Jokes
Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
. During inspection, he notices a camel
tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex
with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel