135 jokes about old men
28 → Joke
is having problems with his Johnson which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor
who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick
is burned out; you only have 30 erections
left in your penis
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."
14 → Joke
goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot
. The shop owner
points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars
". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss
55 → Joke
The husband says to wife
: "My Olympic condoms
have arrived. Think I will wear gold
The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"
6 → Joke
No one in this town could catch any fish
except this one man
. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing
the next day ...
Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite
, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this was illegal
The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"
22 → Joke
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother
to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses
bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair
at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old
woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart
Jokes related to old man jokesNext page Back to home