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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."

53     → Joke


I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

She said: "Somewhere I have never been!"

I told her: "How about the kitchen?"

13     → Joke


How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

2     → Joke


The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

35     → Joke


A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

23     → Joke



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