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How many ayatollahs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There were no light bulbs in the 12th century.

5     light bulb jokes


A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.

"Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband sweetly.

Glancing wearily over at his wife who was trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, "Oh yes", he sighed, "Every time."

11     sex jokes


Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.

“No!” Jimmy replied.

“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.

“No!”.

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“No!” said Jimmy.

“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”

“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.

72     sex jokes


Johnny asks his grandpa, "do you still have sex with granny?"

Grandpa says, "Yes, but only oral."

Johnny asks, "What is oral?"

Grandpa says, "I say fuck you, she says fuck you, too."

59     sex jokes


A bloke walks into a bar and orders 10 double whiskys and downs them in one.

Barman: "What's up?"

Bloke: "My youngest son just told me he's gay".

Next day he goes in and orders 15 double whiskys.

Barman: "What's up now?"

Bloke: "Just found out my oldest son is gay!"

Next day he goes in and orders 20 double whiskys.

Barman: "Fuck me! Does no one in your family like pussies?"

Bloke: "Yes - my wife!"

58     gay jokes






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