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A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you."

29     mother jokes


Paul and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Paul that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later, as Paul's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Paul asks.

"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."

23     sex jokes


A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

24     russian jokes


A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure ... go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

30     dog jokes


I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

She said: "Somewhere I have never been!"

I told her: "How about the kitchen?"

17     man jokes






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