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A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

29     pastor jokes


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."

The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."

45     doctor jokes


Proposal

A man is backpacking through Ireland, when he sees a bar, and goes in for a drink. He sees an old man, who breaks the silence.
"You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands, found the finest wood, and planed it just so. But do they call me McGreggor the bar builder? NO!"
"You see that house out the window? I built that with my bare hands, blood, sweat and tears, too. Do they call me McGreggor the house builder? NO!"
"You see that pier on the lake? I built that with my own bare hands, drove the pickings against the tide and the sand, plank by plank, but do they call me McGreggor the pier builder? NO!"
The old man looks around to make sure no one is listening, and then leans in to the younger man.
"But you fuck one goat!!!!"     ~ McGreggor the.....

2     Short jokes


A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

44     cheating jokes


One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names. And small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

Little Johnny: "Good morning! Father Scott, what is this?"

Father Scott: "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Little Johnny: "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

16     priest jokes






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