4 jokes about objects
Drag me, drop me - treat me like an object.3 → JokeProposal
A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation.8 → Joke
He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"11 → JokeProposal
"Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.1 → Joke
"No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas.
The man objects again: "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says: "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says: "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!"