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Proposal

How does bob marley like his donuts?

With jamin!

2     Short jokes


A working-class man who has been going steady with his upper class girlfriend for about a month is asked to have dinner with the girlfriends parents. They live in this huge mansion house in the country with servents and butlers etc, and everything is very very posh. Before dinner, he and his girlfriends parents are sitting in the drawing room, indulging in a bit of idle lighthearted hat before dinner, and everyone is laughing at his jokes and he is rather pleased with himself.

So, the time comes for dinner, and they are all sitting around this huge dinner table enjoying a 9-course banquet. But about two-thirds through the meal the guy has *really* got to fart. He asks to be excused to go to the bathroom, and asks for instructions on how to get there, and they give him a load of directions, and by the time he has spent around 5 minutes walking around corridors he is busting for a fart. He spots a window in the hallway he is in, and a split second thought crosses his mind. He runs over to the window, opens it, pokes his butt through the hole and lets out a massive earth rumbling wiffy fart. He closes the window and makes his way back to the dinner table rather pleased with his little idea (not to mention his farting prowess).

When he returns, the three others are eating in silence. He slips into his seat opposite his girlfriend, leans over and says "This is all going rather well, isn't it?"

Turning to him with a stern face his girlfriend uttered, "Everything was going fine, until you farted through the serving hatch!"

15     farting jokes


A man decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29."

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

13     age jokes


After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."

Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"

22     Adam jokes


An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a "Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.

"Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.

"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback ..."

17     sex jokes






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