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Nut jokes

82 jokes about nuts



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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

3     squirrel jokes


The sad life a penis: "I only have one eye, my hair is a mess, my skin is wrinkly, and my relatives are nuts, my neighbor is an asshole and my best friend’s a cunt!"

9     penis jokes


What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

Castrated.

38     man jokes


The 5 worst things about being a penis is ...

1. You have a hole in your head.
2. Your best friend is a cunt.
3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole.
4. Every time you get excited you throw up.
5. You always are wearing a collar.

61     sex jokes


The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"

Johnny said, "Yes."

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number ..."

55     Little Johnny jokes






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