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How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

29     beer jokes


How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, Let the bitch cook in the dark.

25     pig jokes


A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

29     teacher jokes


Proposal

A proof that men have better friends:

A woman didn't come home one night. Next morning she told her husband she had slept over at a friends house. Husband calls her 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Man didn't come home one night. Next morning he says he slept over at a friends house. Wife calls his 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he slept over and two said he was still there.

9     Short jokes


How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) "The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change."
2) None. Social workers never change anything.
3) None. They empower it to change itself!
4) None. The light bulb is not burnt out, it's just differently lit.
5) None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.
6) Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.
7) Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.

29     light bulb jokes






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