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Music jokes

31 jokes about music


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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin.

3    

violin

How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?

Write a whole note with "solo" above it.

2    

drumset

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.

4    

violin

Proposal

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.

Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".

Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".

Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.

"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."

To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".

The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"

0    


How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.

2    

violin



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