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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin.

3    

violin

How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?

Write a whole note with "solo" above it.

2    

drumset

girl,sexy
A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."

When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.

"Hello," the mechanic answers.

"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.

The mechanic was puzzled, but says, "Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."

"Oh, is that a record?" she says.

"No," he says, "but it's better than average."

25    


How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.

4    

radio

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.

2    

violin



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