65 jokes about money
After drafting a will
for an elderly client, the lawyer
announced a fee of $100.
The client gave the lawyer a $100 bill.
After the client left, the lawyer saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client's $100 bills had stuck together.
Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the lawyer's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"
A successful man
is one who makes more money than his wife
A successful woman
is one who can find such a man.
Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer
and an old drunk
are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.
One day a man went to an auction
. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot
. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The price was high but the fine bird was finally his!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie
doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken
's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."