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Missionary jokes

3 jokes about missionaries


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tree.autumn
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief: "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied: "My bike."

27    


Proposal

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:

Tourist: $8.00.
Broiled Missionary: $10.00.
Fried Explorer: $12.50.
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican:$100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."

5    


Proposal

A Baptist missionary in Africa was just walking when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.

"Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

In the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank thee for the meal which I am about to enjoy"

3    


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