Missing - 14 jokes
A lady calls the police
to report her husband
is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 feet 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 feet 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
A hydrogen atom
lost its electron
and went to the police
station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?"
"I'm positive." replied the atom.
A guy and a nun
. The guy hits his ball into the water. He says "Damn! I missed!" The nun replies "Don't swear. God
can hear you." So the guy is like "Whatever".
He hits the ball again. It goes into the trees. "Damn! I missed!" "Don't swear, God can hear you!" "Whatever"
So, he hits his ball once again, but it only goes about 4 yards. "AARRRGH!!!! SHIT!!!!"
Ok, so about now, God gets mad. He throws down a thunderbolt. It hits the nun.
"Damn! I missed!"
was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.
“No!” Jimmy replied.
“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“No!” said Jimmy.
“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”
“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.