Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal.21 Urinal Jokes
The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands ... clear up to his elbows ... He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean."
The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door he had a smirk on his face and said: "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college, they taught us not to piss on our hands."
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?16 Lawyer Jokes
A good start! (Unless you are an environmentalist; then you would consider this indiscriminate dumping of hazardous waste.)
Chemist's last words19 Chemist Jokes
1) And now the tasting test ...
2) And now shake it a bit ...
3) In which glass was my mineral water?
4) Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
5) And now the detonating gas problem.
6) This is a completely safe experimental setup.
7) Now you can take the protection window away ...
8) Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?
9) And now a cigarette ...
The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"14 Teacher Jokes
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?3 Light Bulb Jokes
Who cares? They're in the dark if they change the bulb or not.