38 jokes about members
21 → Joke
study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death
. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."
"Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life
remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."
"Very good!", said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church
, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."
"That"s wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law
"Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
22 → JokeProposal
was called on the carpet by his supervisor
for talking back to his foreman
. "Is it true that you called him a liar
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
A soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.4 → Joke
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photos of women that he could find.
He bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying: "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which is yours, please keep your photo and return the others."
24 → Joke
A new manager
spends a week at his new office
with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes
in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis
you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama
, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
30 → Joke
, calling Mount Sinai Hospital
, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient
is getting better."
The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."
He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!"
The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"
She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor
, doesn't tell me a word!"
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