39 jokes about membersProposal
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.7 → Joke
The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."
The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"
22 → JokeProposal
was called on the carpet by his supervisor
for talking back to his foreman
. "Is it true that you called him a liar
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
A guy has a business trip to China. While he's there he has fun with lots Chinese ladies of the evening. After coming back home to the US, he notices his penis is getting funny looking green rings around it and blue and red spots too. He goes to his PCP and the doctor does some tests. He says, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate your penis!" The guy refuses and goes to another doctor, who tells him the same thing. After trying a few more doctors, he thinks, "Wait a minute, I got this in China, I'll go to a Chinese doctor, he'll be able to help me!" So he goes to Dr. Long Wang. Dr Wang looks at the guy's member and says, "Oh, you got Chinese dick disease. No worry!" The guy breathes a huge sigh of relief! He says, "Wow, I'm so glad! All the other doctors over here I went to said they wanted to amputate it!" Dr. Wang exclaimed, "Ah yes, American doctors always want to operate! No worry! In 3 weeks penis turn black fall off by self!" ~ I hates bill gates6 → Joke
40 → Joke
staggers into a hospital
with concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
The doctor asked "What happened to you?"
"Well I was playing Golf
with my wife
when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."
18 → Joke
Three guys go down to Mexico
one night, get drunk
and wake up in jail
. They find out that they're to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.
The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God
to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go.
The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.
Figuring the law is on this guy's side, they let him go. The last one is strapped in and say's "I'm an electrical engineer
, and I'll tell you right now, you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires." God rest his soul.