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Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother.

Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

11     Family Jokes


A man walked into a bar after just being dumped. The person serving at the time was a woman. She kept on giving him free drinks the whole night. When the bar had closed she went up to him and asked if he wanted to go upstairs for a quicky. He of course said yes and they went upstairs.

When they got there the women asked if he had any protection. He didn't have any and answered no. So she told him there was a chemist across the road and gave him $ 1.

When he got to the chemist there were a selection of condoms to choose from:

There was a tramp one for 50 p.
There was an apple flavoured one for $ 1.
And there was a metal one for $ 1.50.

As he only had one pound the man bought the apple flavoured one.

During the the night of fun the condom slipped and the lady got pregnant. The couple married and raised a son.

When he was 5 years old, he went up to his dad and cried: "Daddy why do I have green arms? This is not fair."

To this the dad replied: "I would count yourself lucky my son. If I would have had an extra 50 p you would have been Robo-Cop"

10     Condom Jokes


A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

''That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The mother replies, "I didn't like her!"

1     Marrying Jokes


Proposal

A man goes to his wife saying.
"My wife, I hate you, you smell and are ugly!"
Wife says:
"Then why did you married me?"
"Man says'
Id on't know
Man pulls a glock 15 and shoots her in the head.

He goes to a Chinese restaurant where he meets a bartender.

Bartender: Herro, me chinese, want food?
Man: No     ~ Bill Gates Son

0     Short jokes






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