105 jokes about marriages
47 → Joke
and his ever-nagging wife
went on vacation to Jerusalem
. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead
. I just can’t take
37 → Joke
There are four kinds of sex
HOUSE SEX: You and your spouse are newlyweds and you fuck
all over the house.BEDROOM
SEX: You and your spouse have been married for a few years, have settled down, and only fuck in the bedroom.
HALL SEX: You and your spouse have been married for fifteen years and say, "Fuck you!" when you pass in the hall.
COURTROOM SEX: You and your spouse have been married for twenty years, your spouse's lawyer
fucks you out of everything you've got.
18 → Joke
Why do men
they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs
chase cars they have no intention of driving
45 → Joke
I think the only reason my husband
likes to go fishing
so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
38 → Joke
Why are husbands
like lawn mowers?
to get started, emit foul odors
, and don't work half the time.