Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?27 Woman Jokes
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"36 Fishing Jokes
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:33 Sex Jokes
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
There are four kinds of sex:26 Sex Jokes
HOUSE SEX: You and your spouse are newlyweds and you fuck all over the house.
BEDROOM SEX: You and your spouse have been married for a few years, have settled down, and only fuck in the bedroom.
HALL SEX: You and your spouse have been married for fifteen years and say, "Fuck you!" when you pass in the hall.
COURTROOM SEX: You and your spouse have been married for twenty years, your spouse's lawyer fucks you out of everything you've got.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?23 Fat JokesNext page JokesMarriage Sayings