105 jokes about marriages
70 → Joke
people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex
with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
18 → Joke15 → Joke
At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal
expects it four or five times a year!"
34 → Joke
was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary
. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon
," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule
. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"
47 → Joke
inserted an advertisement
in the classifieds
The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."