There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
A guy was walking around the office Christmas
party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.
Finally, a friend came up to him and said: "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask what's in your shirt pocket?"
"It's a picture of my wife."
"Why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," George replied: "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home!"
Married men live longer than a single men, but married men are lot more willing to die!
I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary
She said: "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her: "How about the kitchen?"
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I should take her somewhere expensive.
I took her to a petrol station!