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Lock jokes

19 jokes about locks



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The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks: "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to downtown cowboy ...'. And here I am."

25     cowboy jokes


A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife "sleepily" sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said. Feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the pharmacist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, sure. So?" said the officer.

"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

24     woman jokes


Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

1) So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
2) So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

13     dog jokes


Proposal

A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia.

The judge told him: "In 20 years on the bench, I have never heard such a disgusting and immoral thing. Give me a good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key."

The man replied: "I will give you 3 good reasons:

(1) It's none of your damn business.
(2) She was my wife.
(3) I didn't know she was dead because she always acted that way!"

3     Short jokes


A bloke takes his mates back to his new flat, after a few more beers.

One of the boys asks him: "What's the big brass gong for?"

The host says: "It's my speaking clock!"

"How does it work?"

"I will show you" and he hits it full pelt with a club hammer!

A voice from next door yells: "For fucks sake you cunt, its twenty to three in the morning!"

11     clock jokes






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