Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet
rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God
can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus
I'm coming, I'm coming"If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A little boy
is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher
says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds
sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"
Teacher had an idea. She would ask the class a question on friday afternoon and whoever could answer it did not have to come back to school till tuesday. The first friday came and she asked,"how many grains of sand are in the sahara desert?" None of the kids knew that and she didn't either. The next friday came and she asked,"how many gallons of water are in the atlantic ocean?"Same results, the kids didn't know the answer and she didn't either. Little Johnny had a bright idea, thursday night he got two golf balls and painted them black. Friday when teacher was just going to ask the question, he threw the golf balls on the floor. Teacher asked, "OK, WHOSE THE COMEDIAN WITH THE BLACK BALLS?" Little Johnny said, "EDDIE MURPHY, SEE YOU TUESDAY TEACHER!!2 Proposal
Teacher: "Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?"3 Proposal
LIttle Johnny: "At the bottom!"
Teacher: "I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting and you've only done it 7 times?"4
Little Johnny: "Looks like my counting isn't too good either!"