List jokes

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman gives birth. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says: "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says: "Not yet."

Finally they say: "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says: "When the baby cries."

So they ask: "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says: "I forgot where I put it!"

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart.

The music on the bus is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After A couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and looking really angry. That's when you remember you've been listening to your ipod.

If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?

Who cares?

Why don't violists play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.