The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.21 Manager Jokes
The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.
The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.2 Short jokes
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A young boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between theorectically and realistically?"9 Short jokes
"Well son, go and ask your mother if she would sleep with the postman for $1million ..."
The little boy asks his mum and then goes back to his dad: "She said yes ..."
"Now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for $2million ..."
The little boy asks his sister: "She said yes, but whats the difference between theoretically and realistically?"
"Well son, theorectically we are sitting on $3million ... realistically we are living with a couple of slags!"
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?16 Lawyer Jokes
A good start! (Unless you are an environmentalist; then you would consider this indiscriminate dumping of hazardous waste.)
A girl comes home and says to her boyfriend: "I have just had a tattoo of a sea shell on the inside of my leg at the top."20 Tattoo Jokes
Her boyfriend gets his head between her legs and puts his ear to the tattoo and listens to the sea. "That's brilliant," he said "you can also smell the fish market!"