22 jokes about lions
25 → Joke
One day an out of work mime
was visiting the zoo
, where he attempted to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he started to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office.
The zookeeper explained to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla
named Sparky, had died suddenly and the keeper was worried that attendance at the zoo would fall off without him. The zookeeper offered the mime a job
to dress up as Sparky until they could get a new gorilla. The mime accepted.
The next morning, the mime put on a gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd arrived. He discovered that it was a great job! He could sleep all he wanted, play and make fun of people and he was drawing bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.
However, eventually the crowds tired of him, and he was getting bored just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top over the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd loved it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper was thrilled, and even gave the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
This went on for some time, the mime kept taunting the lion, the crowds grew larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day when he was dangling over the furious lion, he lost his grip and fell. The mime was terrified. The lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The mime was so scared that he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. When no help came, and the crowd looked on in shock, the mime started screaming and yelling.
Help, Help me!" he screamed, but the lion was too quick and pounced. The mime found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion, who was just inches away from his face when he whispered, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?
1 → Joke
You're riding a horse
full speed, and there's a giraffe
on your left and a lion chasing you from behind. So what do you do?
Get off the carousel!
4 → Joke
A Baptist missionary
in Africa was just walking when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
"Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
In the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying
too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank thee for the meal
which I am about to enjoy."
2 → Joke
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law
. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said: "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess
, let him get himself out of it."
8 → Joke
A gang of robbers
broke into a lawyer
's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money
The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers ... we had $100 when we broke in!"
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