How many Microsoft executives
does it take to change a light bulb?
1) 1001. One to install the new bulb, plus one thousand lawyers
to assert intellectual property rights over every light bulb ever invented.
2) Microsoft doesn't change light bulbs. It declares Darkness
(TM) the new standard.
How many bisexuals
does it take to change
a light bulb?
1) However many turns you on ;)
2) That depends ... is it AC or DC?
3) Three or more ... it's more fun to fumble in the dark that way instead of being alone.
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture
of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Sally replied, "That's me before the operation
A man stumbles out of a bar. The police car over the road watches as he sluggishly moved across the car park after much effort finds his truck and falls in. Several other people came out got into their cars and drove away. The man slumps on his horn setting off his lights. The last of the people left the car park leaving the truck only. He starts the truck up and starts to pull away. He is immediately stopped. After breatherlyser he was found to have no alcohol in his system. ‘You will have to come down the station as this is obviously broke’ says policeman. ‘Doubt it sir’ says the man.
‘Why’s that ?’ Says policeman.
The man replies ‘I’m the designated decoy’
, an accountant
and a lawyer
were asked "How much is 2+ 2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!"
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"