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An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."

Patient: "Ooh No! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?"

Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

5     Alzheimer's jokes


What was Camelot famous for?

It's knight life!

5     camelot jokes


Proposal

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he is her half brother.

The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off.

She goes to her mom and says: "Mom what have you been doing all your life time? Dad has been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!"

Her mom replies: "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad!"

5     Short jokes


A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.

First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?" She answers promptly, "I would go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

Next, the panel asks the redhead the same question. Without any hesitation, she replies, "I'd like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."

Finally, the NASA scientists ask the blonde the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. After pondering for several minutes, she finally answers, "I would go to the sun."

Several scientists suppress a laugh, but the lead interviewer, trying to take the blonde seriously, explains, "Well, if you went to the sun, you'd burn to death almost instantaneously."

The blond smirks and puts her hands on her hips. "Don't be stupid! I'd go at night!"

8     blonde jokes


Proposal

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him, of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said: "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said: "Honey? Please Just one more time.
She agreed, then afterward she rolled and fell asleep."

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until it was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we ...?".

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said: "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny but I have to get up in the morning and go to work while you don't!."

6     Short jokes






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