54 jokes about life
23 → Joke
Attending a wedding
for the first time, Little Susie whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
Little Susie thought about this for a moment, then said "So why is the groom
13 → Joke
, an olive and a penis
The cucumber says: "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says: "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says: "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
32 → Joke
Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. On the 4th day, a mermaid
came up out of the water and offered them one wish
to save their lives.
The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,"I wish the ocean was a sea of beer
." And it happened.
A litle while later the other one shouted,"Great, now we have to pee
in the boat!"
11 → Joke
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
"Oh," said Hillary," whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan
3 → Joke
A sinking ship's captain
: "Does anyone know how to pray
says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."
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