56 jokes about legs
30 → Joke
Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal
The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands
... clear up to his elbows ... He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean."
The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door he had a smirk on his face and said: "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college
, they taught us not to piss
on our hands."
Tarzan10 → Joke
had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only suitably shaped holes in trees for sex
, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.
One day, deep in the wilds, she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting himself into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out in to the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan became aroused. He quickly ran over and kicked her in the crotch really hard.
In pain, she screamed, "What the hell did you do that for?".
Tarzan replied, "Tarzan always check for squirrels
12 → Joke
A man went into a lawyer
's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money
to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
29 → Joke
was born last week. When will my wife
begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids
are in college
12 → Joke
and a blonde
are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game
. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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