65 jokes about lawyers
16 → Joke
A man has a heart
attack and is brought to the hospital
emergency room. The doctor
tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to lawyer and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the lawyer's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the lawyer's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
6 → Joke
What's the difference
between a catfish
and a lawyer?
One's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker and the other's just a fish
18 → Joke
A man, called to testify at the IRS
, asked his accountant
for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi
, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed
6 → Joke
Why does the law society prohibit sex
between lawyers and their clients
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
16 → Joke
The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch
when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.
He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock
"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."