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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers


Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

4     0

girl,sexy

car
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for my dirty lawyer."

"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. Why do you want to arrest him?"

"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

3     0


money
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers ... we had $100 when we broke in!"

6     2


If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema?

44     8

woman,roses

accountant
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+ 2?"

The housewife replies: "Four!"

The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

3     0




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