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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers


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What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.

4    

fish

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital emergency room. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to lawyer and the other to a social worker".

The man quickly responds, "the lawyer's".

The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"

The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the lawyer's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"

9    


Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

5    


woman,martini
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

She said that she did.

He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no.

The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified.

She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

13    


burglar,safe
The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.

He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock the safe!"

"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."

14    


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