67 jokes about lawyers
24 doctor jokes
A man has a heart
attack and is brought to the hospital
emergency room. The doctor
tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to lawyer and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the lawyer's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the lawyer's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
22 funeral jokes
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea - go and bury 20 more of them."
17 drug jokes
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery
, and his wife
was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
He replied: "The drugs
are wearing off!"
9 fish jokes
What's the difference
between a catfish
and a lawyer?
One's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker and the other's just a fish
11 witness jokesNext page Jokes
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary
's main witness
. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question
was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."