65 jokes about lawyers
If your wife
and your lawyer were drowning
and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary
's main witness
. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question
was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money
to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
How many lawyers does it take to change
a light bulb?
1) Three. One to prosecute, one to defend, one to screw
it the same way they do everything else.
2) How many can you afford?
A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated.
, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father. "I've finally settled that old Whitmore suit."
"Settled it!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot
! We've been living off of that money
for over five years now!"