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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers



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If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema?

76     → Joke


A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.

The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."

"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"

"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

10     → Joke


What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.

21     → Joke


What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

15     → Joke


A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"

"Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.

There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.

"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"

"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."

11     → Joke


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