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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers


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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Three. One to prosecute, one to defend, one to screw it the same way they do everything else.
2) How many can you afford?

6    

light bulb

money
A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.

The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."

"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"

"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

9    


If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema?

58    

woman,roses

How do you save a drowning lawyer?

1. Take your foot off his head.
2. Shoot him before he hits the water.

12    

gangster

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"

She, having already downed a few power drinks, turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said: "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?

11    


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