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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers



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What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

29     → Joke


What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

18     → Joke


What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

10     → Joke


After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of $100.

The client gave the lawyer a $100 bill.

After the client left, the lawyer saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client's $100 bills had stuck together.

Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the lawyer's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

26     → Joke


A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.

The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."

"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"

"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

12     → Joke


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