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Lawyer jokes

67 jokes about lawyers



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How is an apple like a lawyer?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

41     → Joke


You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

21     → Joke


What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

About three pounds, including the urn.

13     → Joke


How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Three. One to prosecute, one to defend, one to screw it the same way they do everything else.
2) How many can you afford?

13     → Joke


What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

35     → Joke



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